Honestly, how is the Indian media not falling head over heels for writing like this?! Why isn't our daily feed stuffed with voices like yours?! Kamaal ka likha hai yaar, Roshni. Dhuaandaar :))
More power to you. And yes, it is time that such opinions are expressed freely. When I first started reading Natasha Badhwar I often wrote why did I not read this when I was bringing up my son. I hope every young woman who is under pressure to be a mother has the opportunity to hear voices like yours and know that this is also possible.
"I have no memory of having even a sliver of desire for a child. Nothing about motherhood appealed to me."
This is exactly how I have felt, all my life. I've had the privilege of growing up when I did, and still heard "You'll change your mind when you grow up."
I was just thinking about this today, coincidentally, that now it's been 3 decades of living, and I haven't changed my mind, so maybe my reason finally sounds credible?
You write with such a gentleness Roshni. Such a beautiful essay! Most of my friends have chosen not to have children and I find myself at the other end - the only one with a kid! But jokes aside, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to explain this decision to a world that cannot fathom a different version of family or life outside of it.
Hahaha! i think the child free folks and single folks in my life just clustered around each other and even when one of these factors changed -- we could hold on!
Reading this piece has brightened my day like nothing else ever could. As a woman who is child-free by choice, I have always sought narratives that validate my experience—a lack of desire to ever have children of my own.
I wonder when the mere lack of desire to want children became my stance against having children. Perhaps it had to, the moment I decided to participate in the inherently misogynistic institution that is a heteronormative marriage, and the audience to that union began to view me as nothing but a means to an end—a replaceable, dispensable, childbearing instrument.
Thank you so much, Roshni, for writing this, and for becoming a source of comfort and validation not just to me, but to all the people out there who wish to make this neither uncommon nor unnatural choice for themselves. ❤️
Richa -- thank you! So many things push us to it and away from it -- to what north is the inner compass tuned is another matter all together. Thank you for leaving a piece of you as a comment here -- connecting like this!
Honestly, how is the Indian media not falling head over heels for writing like this?! Why isn't our daily feed stuffed with voices like yours?! Kamaal ka likha hai yaar, Roshni. Dhuaandaar :))
Hahahah! Thanks Sanobar! There is a lot more coverage on this now of course - and now the younger folks are more vocal -
Such great writing this is Roshni. I hope this piece finds people at the right time in their lives..
Thank you Sanket! That's such a lovely hope for any piece of writing
More power to you. And yes, it is time that such opinions are expressed freely. When I first started reading Natasha Badhwar I often wrote why did I not read this when I was bringing up my son. I hope every young woman who is under pressure to be a mother has the opportunity to hear voices like yours and know that this is also possible.
Thank you Charulatha! I see what you mean... when I read her first book I was like arre wah folks who are parents are lucky to have this gold mine!
Yes, exactly. Her books have become my favourite gifts for anniversaries, weddings of younger couples.
So logical and real in this unreal and judgemental society. How I wish everybody has the maturity to sustain all barbs with smile and empty reasons
Thank you, Sudha! The calm only came once the pressure stopped -- I could not respond gracefully when I was under fire.
"I have no memory of having even a sliver of desire for a child. Nothing about motherhood appealed to me."
This is exactly how I have felt, all my life. I've had the privilege of growing up when I did, and still heard "You'll change your mind when you grow up."
I was just thinking about this today, coincidentally, that now it's been 3 decades of living, and I haven't changed my mind, so maybe my reason finally sounds credible?
Thank you for writing this. I love it so much :)
Safa - hahaha young people across time will always be told this looks like!
You write with such a gentleness Roshni. Such a beautiful essay! Most of my friends have chosen not to have children and I find myself at the other end - the only one with a kid! But jokes aside, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to explain this decision to a world that cannot fathom a different version of family or life outside of it.
Hahaha! i think the child free folks and single folks in my life just clustered around each other and even when one of these factors changed -- we could hold on!
Same to same moley! 🤩
Thank you for writing this, Roshni! So lucky to have read these empowering words. Your gentle honesty is striking 💛
Reading this piece has brightened my day like nothing else ever could. As a woman who is child-free by choice, I have always sought narratives that validate my experience—a lack of desire to ever have children of my own.
I wonder when the mere lack of desire to want children became my stance against having children. Perhaps it had to, the moment I decided to participate in the inherently misogynistic institution that is a heteronormative marriage, and the audience to that union began to view me as nothing but a means to an end—a replaceable, dispensable, childbearing instrument.
Thank you so much, Roshni, for writing this, and for becoming a source of comfort and validation not just to me, but to all the people out there who wish to make this neither uncommon nor unnatural choice for themselves. ❤️
Richa -- thank you! So many things push us to it and away from it -- to what north is the inner compass tuned is another matter all together. Thank you for leaving a piece of you as a comment here -- connecting like this!